Relational Needs

Living Relationally

We are "hard-wired" to connect, but we don't always know how. That's why we provide resources for anyone who wants to strengthen their relationship skills.

Take the Assessment

We offer all age assessments to help you learn about the relational needs of everyone in your life.

Choose your assessment below.

Learn More about Each Relational Need

Acceptance

When acceptance is someone's top need, it's important that they are liked, even though they might be a little different. It's important that others don't try to change or fix someone with this top need.

Someone needing acceptance may need another to express love, even when they mess up. They need to know that they'll be given a second chance. You might especially like to hear words like, "I love you just the way you are! I'm your friend, even when you mess up."

Individual Assessment

Affection

When affection is someone's top need, they might especially feel loved when others give them hugs, kisses, or pats on the back.

They might really like it when someone puts an arm around them or sits close to them.

They will likely enjoying hearing words such as "You're really special!" or "I love you," as well as "You mean the world to me. I care about you."

Individual Assessment

Appreciation

When appreciation is someone's top need, you like it when someone recognizes your accomplishment or effort—especially noticing the things you have done—and shares their thanks.

You might especially like to receive certificates, medals, or trophies that represent your contribution or accomplishment. You might feel loved when you hear things like, "You did a terrific job! Thank you for working hard and pitching in with the project," or, "You played a great game last night!"

It is important to know the difference between giving appreciation and meeting the need for approval. Approval means recognizing someone for their character—the kind of person they ARE. Appreciation focuses on recognizing a person for what they DO.

Individual Assessment

Approval

When approval is someone's top need, you feel especially loved when others brag on you or speak well of you. It means that you like to be acknowledged for the kind of person you are, not just the things you do.

You might also like when someone affirms your character or says how proud they are to be in a relationship with you.

You might especially like to hear words like, "I'm proud of you! You have such a kind and generous heart."

Individual Assessment

Attention

When attention is someone's top need, you might really like it when someone calls just to say they were thinking about you or want to spend time with you.

You likely feel loved by individual, undivided listening and when someone makes a special effort to get to know you and your needs. You might also feel loved when someone attends your event, does the things that you like to do, or "enters your world."

You may like to hear words like, "Tell me about your day," or, "How did your test go?" and, "What would you like to do this weekend?"

Individual Assessment

Comfort

When comfort is someone's top need, it's very important that others respond to your hurt with words, feelings, and a gentle touch.

You might feel loved when others put their arm around you if you're feeling sad. You may like it when loved ones sit quietly beside you and are just "with you" during a difficult time. You even feel cared for when someone cries with you.

You might like to hear these words: "I'm sad for you. I'm so sorry that you are going through this," or, "I know you are really disappointed. I feel a lot of compassion for you."

Individual Assessment

Encouragement

When encouragement is your top relational need, you like it when others cheer you on towards a goal.

You might feel especially loved when someone calls to inspire you on your big day, or gives you a note expressing their belief in you.

You love it when a friend or loved one sends a text that says, "You can do it!" or you might enjoy hearing words such as, "I know you can make it! Don't give up, keep at it. I believe in you. You've got this!"

Individual Assessment

Respect

When respect is your top relational need, it's particularly important for others to communicate that they value you, your ideas, opinions and even your schedule.

You might like to be given the freedom to do a job in your own way or for others to listen to you without interrupting. It's likely very important for others to check in with you before making plans that affect you.

You may also feel it's essential that others use an appropriate tone of voice with you and apologize if they've done something to hurt you. You may enjoy hearing words like, "I'd like to hear your ideas. What do you prefer?" and, "I was wrong. Will you forgive me?"

Individual Assessment

Security

When security is your top relational need, it's likely very important for you to experience safety and trust. It may be especially important that there are no threats and no aspects of harm in your relationships or your environment.

You feel secure when someone consistently provides for your needs, is dependable, keeps their promises and doesn't lose their temper with you.

You might like to hear words such as: "I'm here for you. We're going to work this out," and, "I'm going to keep my promise to you."

Individual Assessment

Support

When support is your top relational need, you feel loved when someone comes alongside you and provides gentle, appropriate help with a problem or struggle.

It means that you like it when others help you with a big project, teach you how to do something, or are willing to do the hard things together.

You might especially like to hear these words: "I'll be glad to help you. Just let me know," and, "Would you like to try the first step together? How can I pitch in?"